| "My Partner is a Functioning Alcoholic" | | | | If there are children present, they copy the lying, |
| Being married to a functioning alcoholic can cause | | | | justifying, blaming behavior which they see modeled. |
| many problems in a family. Tens of thousands of | | | | They also learn to keep family secrets and to cover |
| families in North America alone are struggling with this | | | | for their alcoholic parent. In other words they join in the |
| issue. | | | | "dance of alcohol" and participate with their parents, |
| A drinking problem can begin in many ways. For some | | | | learning how to be alcoholics or how to live with them |
| people it begins with social drinking. Social drinking can | | | | when they grow up. |
| gradually deteriorate into alcohol abuse and eventually | | | | If you are an alcoholic and you are in a marriage, you |
| into alcohol dependence. The drinking became a habit | | | | may have to leave your drinking behind completely in |
| and the habit became alcohol dependence or | | | | order to gain any hope of reversing the progressive |
| alcoholism. It matters not whether the alcohol is in the | | | | damage your alcoholism is inflicting on yourself and |
| form of beer, wine or hard liquor. Alcohol is alcohol in | | | | your family. |
| any shape or form. | | | | If you are living with a functioning alcoholic, there are |
| Now your partner has shifted from enjoying a drink to | | | | steps you can take too. Perhaps more importantly at |
| compulsively needing alcohol to feel okay. And you | | | | first, there are things you can learn to avoid so that |
| may have shifted from being giving and caring to being | | | | you don't further your partner's alcoholism. Making |
| addicted to your partner's care. Compulsive caretaking | | | | excuses for him, for example, only makes things |
| often grows alongside the deteriorating self-care of | | | | worse. You don't want to be an enabler or a rescuer. |
| the compulsive drinker. | | | | The Alcoholism Test |
| If the alcoholic has more or less continued to hold | | | | Over the years in my psychology practice many |
| down a job, he is politely called a "functioning alcoholic." | | | | women have started their first session with "My |
| But he is an alcoholic nonetheless. He works a great | | | | husband is a functioning alcoholic." In the last few days |
| deal below his potential, he neglects or abuses his | | | | alone two more women took the Alcoholism Test and |
| family and he may not live very long if he continues | | | | left a comment opening with "My husband is a |
| the self-abuse. | | | | functioning alcoholic." I seldom see or hear the |
| Like all addicts, he lies (bold faced lies, lies of omission, | | | | statement without also sensing an undertone of |
| cover-ups, and minimization), he makes excuses, he | | | | desperation and frustration, as if to say, I didn't bargain |
| blames others for his drinking, and he continues to | | | | for this when we got married. |
| seek out and use alcohol despite the consequences. | | | | |