| The decision to confront an alcoholic is never an easy | | | | Coupled with confronting an alcoholic with the |
| one to make. The most important thing is you should | | | | consequences of his behavior is the need for a plan of |
| never attempt it when the alcoholic is currently under | | | | recovery. If you are working with Alcoholics |
| the influence of alcohol. The confrontation should be | | | | Anonymous or Al-Anon, they can help you with |
| planned when he or she is sober. Confronting an | | | | making arrangements for a problem drinker to enter a |
| alcoholic is sometimes called an intervention and must | | | | rehabilitation program, either onsite at a facility for this |
| be carefully planned according to recommended | | | | purpose, or as an outpatient in a local clinic or support |
| expert guidelines, preferably those issued by a | | | | group. In some cases, a halfway house might be an |
| knowledgeable organization like Al-Anon which is the | | | | appropriate alternative. Find out ahead of time if a |
| support group for family members of alcoholics. Also, | | | | particular detoxification program will accept the |
| prior to confronting an alcoholic, you should check with | | | | problem drinker you are working with, and make |
| the person's doctor or a specialist in treating alcoholic | | | | preliminary arrangements for the person to be |
| disorders to determine how to prepare yourself and | | | | admitted immediately following the intervention. Make it |
| any others who might be helping you to confront a | | | | clear that you cannot guarantee the drinker will enroll, |
| drinker about whom you are concerned. We have | | | | much less stay with the program, unless he accepts |
| listed nine tips that may be helpful in preparing for an | | | | the program as part of his new life of abstaining from |
| intervention. | | | | drink. |
| Instead of formulating a confrontation plan on your | | | | If the alcoholic agrees to go into rehab, family |
| own, see what the experts advise by talking to the | | | | members should try to provide support and |
| Al-Anon association in your area. People there can | | | | encouragement during the detoxification phase and |
| advise you how to plan the intervention, and provide | | | | rehabilitation program, which involves patient and family |
| useful resources and information, too. If Al-Anon is | | | | education and can last anywhere between several |
| unavailable in your area, make an appointment with a | | | | days to several months. Most programs last 28 days |
| licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss | | | | or less, given people's job and family responsibilities, |
| the nature of the problem and how it might best be | | | | and some of the rehabilitators can continue as a |
| approached. Although confronting an alcoholic can be | | | | non-resident while resuming career and household |
| similar in many respects for many families, it is a good | | | | duties. However the program plays out, love, |
| idea to clarify unique circumstances or personal | | | | acceptance, and willingness to support changes in |
| characteristics that could make a difference on the | | | | lifestyle can go a long way toward helping the alcoholic |
| outcome. | | | | become successful in rehabilitation. |
| You might find yourself wanting to berate and | | | | As mentioned briefly above, family members living with |
| condemn a loved one should they come home | | | | an alcoholic must be willing to take responsibility for |
| intoxicated yet again. This fails to be productive as the | | | | their behavior and make necessary changes, too. |
| drunk will ignore the criticism while under the alcohol | | | | Adjustments might include refusing to cover for an |
| influence and most likely forget about it the following | | | | alcoholic's inability to go to work by reporting him |
| when day when sober. It is crucial to talk to the person | | | | absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he |
| when sober and with a bit of luck, open to the idea of | | | | has spent his paycheck for alcoholic beverages, and |
| hearing your concerns. If a spontaneous opening | | | | letting the drunkard abuse or terrorize the family by |
| should not happen, try to schedule a talk after dinner or | | | | acts of recklessness or violence. Sobriety can actually |
| when the two of you have some privacy and cannot | | | | make life harder for the drinker and his family as |
| be interrupted. | | | | everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to |
| Other relatives, close friends, or even members of | | | | follow through consistently. Some ex-drinkers can be ill- |
| Al-Anon that you may have met can by your | | | | tempered, demanding, and peevish, while others may |
| supporters, as they may have been in comparable | | | | act guilty, embarrassed, or repentant. |
| situations as you at some point. They may even | | | | After confronting an alcoholic, results may not appear |
| decide to join you in confronting the alcoholic in your | | | | automatically. The drinker may vacillate between |
| family. That decision can depend on you and the | | | | agreeing to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter |
| circumstances involving the person who drinks too | | | | rehab but leave early or fall off the wagon after |
| much, as well as professional opinions about the | | | | completing the program. Nothing is guaranteed. After |
| situation. | | | | confronting an alcoholic, all you can do is continue to |
| When the times comes to confront the alcoholic, you | | | | hold your line and wait for the drinker's response. That |
| must not be wishy-washy or indirect. Use a factual | | | | alone will determine the outcome of your intervention. If |
| tone of voice and lay out the situation. Use examples | | | | the drinker opts not to continue treatment or it proves |
| of the drunkard's problem behavior and ensuing results. | | | | unsuccessful, the family should continue to receive |
| List dates, frequency of bad behavior, amounts of | | | | counseling and support as they make decisions about |
| alcohol consumed or sums of money spent on drinking, | | | | the future. |
| and other data to support your claims. Please note | | | | One of the most difficult things is to live with an |
| that it takes courage to confront an alcoholic, so don't | | | | alcoholic. Their inability to control their drinking creates |
| back down. If the alcoholic chooses to argue with you, | | | | problems for not only themselves but for everyone |
| remain calm and point to the facts. | | | | around them. It can be hard for family to separate |
| An alcoholic often learns how to sidestep responsibility | | | | themselves from the drinker and create effective |
| and manipulate other people to disregard his misdeeds | | | | boundaries against the alcoholic in order to prevent the |
| or cover for him at work or in public in order to | | | | drinker's problems from spreading. With knowledge, |
| continue his habits. If you find yourself enabling the | | | | professional support, and loads of assurance, relatives |
| drinking, the alcoholic may presume he can have his | | | | can incorporate a dose of tough love into their |
| way again to get out of the intervention without | | | | confrontation to give that person a chance at |
| making any changes. Part of an intervention's | | | | recovery. An intervention is a positive step in the right |
| impending success lies in the family member who | | | | direction, a direction that includes admitting a problem |
| leads it being able to change also. Ending the cycles | | | | and choosing to have the willingness to take action to |
| that support the alcoholic's drinking is essential in helping | | | | end the addiction. These steps will lead to a better life |
| them overcome their problem. Never allow the | | | | for both the drinker and those he loves. |
| alcoholic to defeat what you are trying to accomplish. | | | | |