| It's never easy living with an alcoholic. Sometimes we | | | | rescuing and caring of someone who treats you with |
| try so hard to live with the alcoholic that we end up | | | | disrespect? All of these things make you mentally sick |
| enabling them to drink. The problem is we don't see | | | | with the alcoholic. You are treating the symptoms of |
| the alcoholic as being sick but someone we don't like | | | | alcoholism with your enabling, and its not working! It's |
| to be around when they are drinking. | | | | like treating a person who gets chronic headaches |
| If they were in bed sick with the flu we would know | | | | with aspirin. Why are they getting persistent |
| how to care for them, but when they are drunk sick | | | | headaches? That's what you need to find out? |
| there is nothing we can do, other than watch them | | | | The Alcoholic Needs To Take Responsibility |
| drink themselves to oblivion. Sometimes we take it | | | | The alcoholic must be allowed to take responsibility for |
| personally and think they drink so much because of | | | | themselves and for the addiction. The alcoholic does |
| something we have done, but we shouldn't blame | | | | not realize the ramifications of their alcoholic behavior |
| ourselves for the addictions in other people. | | | | on others because alcohol takes away all inhibitions |
| The alcoholic is very sick. They are sick physically, | | | | and modesty from them. They do not know that they |
| mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You see, addiction | | | | are stunted emotionally because they can't perceive |
| stunts your growth; it literally makes you stop growing | | | | themselves or their behavior. All they can see is how |
| emotionally. The alcoholic does not know this and they | | | | YOU always seem to be overreacting and giving in to |
| sure don't mean to be this way, its just part of the | | | | their alcoholic whims and behaving moody with them. |
| sickness. Immaturity is a symptom of alcoholism. | | | | Do you see where I'm going with this? |
| If you live with an alcoholic, you never know what to | | | | What stands out most for the alcoholic is the behavior |
| expect from one day to the next. You don't know if | | | | of a resentful enabler. Every home is different and so |
| they are going to start drinking again and blame you | | | | circumstances are different, but perhaps you nag and |
| for their problems, or if they are going to get in the car | | | | complain to them about their drinking. Perhaps you are |
| and not return for days. The alcoholic does some | | | | talking badly about them to your children? Or maybe |
| pretty bizarre stuff sometimes, but that is just part of | | | | you call them names and blame them for the failure of |
| the sickness - just another symptom. | | | | your marriage. Whatever it is that you are doing will |
| The loved one of an alcoholic always seems to get | | | | affect the alcoholic and how they react and treat their |
| him or her self wrapped up within the symptoms of | | | | addiction. Do you understand how that works? |
| alcoholism. Ironically they don't even have to take a sip | | | | Detach With Love |
| of alcohol for that to happen. The alcoholic's | | | | The alcoholic does not need enabling and rescuing. |
| symptoms can totally overwhelm the loved one until | | | | What the alcoholic needs most from you, even if they |
| they are literally at their wits end trying to deal with the | | | | don't know it themselves, is for you to back away |
| alcoholic's problems and behaviors. How depressing is | | | | from the addiction so they will have to take control of |
| that?! | | | | the addiction and themselves. We should not impede |
| And that's the problem. Let me explain. | | | | that by enabling or rescuing them. Leave the |
| An addicted person is so different from their normal | | | | responsibility, accountability and blame to the alcoholic. |
| self that when they are drunk its like you are living with | | | | They need to be responsible for themselves. |
| Mr. Hyde. It can be depressing, confusing, scary, and | | | | The best thing you can do is to emotionally detach |
| frustrating to watch a sober person transform | | | | from the alcoholic and their behavior and not take |
| themselves into drunks within a thirty-minute period. | | | | anything personally. Love the alcoholic, but don't love |
| Who is this person? One minute he or she is Jekyl and | | | | them to the extent of hindering recovery. Once you |
| thirty minutes later Hyde is back. Uh, what happened? | | | | back away from the addiction and stop taking |
| We Enable and Rescue The Alcoholic | | | | responsibility is when you won't feel resentful, bitter, |
| First mistake is to think we have to do something! We | | | | and offended anymore. They have a problem and |
| think we have to fix them. We throw out all the booze. | | | | they must come out of denial and take care of their |
| We hide the car keys. We bail them out of jail. We | | | | problem on their own. |
| help them to bed. We clean up after them. We lie to | | | | This does not mean you cannot support them when |
| people about their behavior. We sweep problems | | | | they are trying to quit drinking or help them with certain |
| under the rug. We allow their verbal and sometimes | | | | circumstances in their life when they are sober, it |
| physical abuse. We remain in denial with the alcoholic. | | | | means that as long as they are willing to work on |
| We protect them from themselves when drunk. | | | | healing themselves, you will be there for them. But if |
| But what does doing all of these things do to your own | | | | they continue drinking you cannot and will not be a part |
| mental health? Don't you feel resentful over the | | | | of that - they are on their own. Detach with Love. |