| There is nothing like having that one close friend, the | | | | result of considering those. A phone visit with a |
| person you can tell everything to. You can share | | | | representative of a local drug and alcohol treatment |
| everything because there is trust, respect and a firm | | | | center will likely be enlightening, as you begin to learn |
| bond to hold the relationship together. Marriage is a | | | | about what you can do to help. |
| beautiful relationship, especially when people are | | | | People feel so isolated, but it doesn't have to be that |
| married for decades, as wives and husbands become | | | | way, as help is out there. The daughter's e-mail was |
| a part of each other at a deeply spiritual level. | | | | heartbreaking for me because after all this time, she |
| Likewise, the closeness that a child feels to a parent is | | | | still didn't know where to turn. Support groups are |
| another special relationship that lasts a lifetime. People | | | | found in so many varieties, from Al-Anon to recovery |
| grow to care more about the other person than they | | | | groups in churches and synagogues. The problem is, in |
| do about themselves. That intimate, personal | | | | my own experience, people are not necessarily open |
| connection brings comfort, security and joy to life. | | | | to going to these types of groups because of the |
| Sometimes, however, one side is taken away. | | | | stigma of addiction. Confidentiality is important, and so if |
| People who have gone through the experience of | | | | my neighbor sees me going into a recovery meeting, it |
| having someone they love drift away because of | | | | might get around. |
| alcohol, a person who was close to them, a person | | | | If it were a recovery group for people who have lost |
| who shared their interests, their joys and who was | | | | a loved one, that's different. There's no stigma. People |
| there for them when times were bad, understand all | | | | are sympathetic. But if it's alcoholism, drug addiction or |
| too well how painful it is when that person is no longer | | | | some other behavioral condition, there's a negative |
| there. | | | | stigma attached to it, even though these are diseases |
| It's painful because we can see it happening, as little by | | | | that people can manage and recover enough to live a |
| little people get overtaken. Alcoholism is like that. As a | | | | healthy and productive life. Society needs to rethink its |
| person becomes more and more dependent, as the | | | | attitudes towards alcoholism and drug addiction, and |
| clutches of alcoholism take hold of them, they let go of | | | | embrace the concept of support groups. If someone |
| the things that matter most. The disease takes center | | | | says they attend meetings, I praise their commitment. I |
| stage and the disease demands all of the spotlights. | | | | respect those who go into treatment and do the work |
| I get so much mail that tells this story. The individual | | | | to overcome their disease. There's no stigma, just |
| circumstances change, the lives of the people are | | | | understanding and compassion. |
| different, but the story is so sadly similar. The daughter | | | | The daughter whose boyfriend is suffering from |
| of an alcoholic wrote and told me about her | | | | alcoholism knows too well that the disease is a part of |
| experience of her mother, herself and their relationship | | | | the human condition. Her boyfriend could have |
| as the alcoholism took hold of ever aspect of her | | | | congestive heart failure, or severe diabetes, or be |
| mother's life. | | | | fighting cancer. Society has sympathy for those. But |
| At the end of her mother's life, there was the alcohol | | | | the alcoholic, who got pulled into their condition drink by |
| and little of anything else. She told me that she was | | | | drink, didn't want to be an alcoholic. |
| not a drinker, expressing gratitude for being spared. | | | | The disease developed in them, and might have left |
| However, she added that her boyfriend was an | | | | their brother or sister alone. They didn't ask for this. But |
| alcoholic and she feared going through the whole | | | | once the alcoholism got a firm hold on their lives, it |
| experience again. I got the sense that she was a | | | | doesn't want treatment. Their lives had become |
| caring, gentle person, who was earnestly seeking help. | | | | unmanageable. |
| People do want help, but they don't know where to | | | | If someone you love is in trouble with alcohol, you're |
| find it, or they are uncertain exactly what kind of help | | | | not alone. If you don't know what questions to ask |
| they need. A good first step is to not worry about | | | | yourself, consider those found on the Al-Anon/Alateen |
| what question to ask, but to go where someone can | | | | web site, and use them for a first step. Help yourself |
| help you. | | | | first, get support and you will be in a much better |
| Al-Anon's web site will ask you a series of questions, | | | | position to help the person you love. |
| and it's likely that your "ah ha" moment will come as a | | | | |