| It's like an argument between a husband and wife. | | | | bring this up because my family was deeply harmed |
| There is a disagreement, points are made, the yelling | | | | by alcoholism. My mother suffered with it, although I am |
| starts and then, somewhere down the line, one of | | | | sure I would get an argument about this, mainly |
| them or both lose track of what the argument is about. | | | | because one just doesn't admit that their mother was |
| That is the way I see recovery from alcoholism. It | | | | an alcoholic. I was always criticized for being |
| doesn't matter who started the argument, the primary | | | | "reactionary." However, families get into "denial mode" |
| concern is to end it. | | | | and they do nothing more than enable to sick person. |
| When someone is in trouble, there is always plenty of | | | | Occasionally in our house there was a discussion |
| blame to go around. There are always the accusatory | | | | about my mother's drinking, but never any action to |
| questions. "Why did you let this go so far..." "If only you | | | | help. We were all responsible for what we did as |
| didn't..." "Can't you just once control yourself..." Parents | | | | individuals and as a family. It isn't about blaming |
| blame each other for allowing their son to drink wine | | | | somebody for the problem; it's about finding a solution. |
| on Thanksgiving. One parent blames the other | | | | Al-Anon is designed for that and they do a splendid |
| because their daughter is hanging out with the wrong | | | | job in reaching out and helping families. |
| crowd. Usually the accusatory questions are designed | | | | Family members need to be educated and trained. As |
| to get the accuser off the hook for any responsibility. | | | | a family, we didn't know how to handle my mother's |
| It's not about the person who is in trouble, it's about | | | | drinking addiction. We were trying hard to be "above it |
| them. | | | | all" and seldom, if ever, was there a meaningful |
| Alcoholism isn't just about an individual, it's about the | | | | discussion about it. My mother never received any |
| group. Families have to deal with it, co-workers have | | | | help. People talk about giving "tough love" in these |
| to deal with it, and communities have to deal with it. By | | | | situations. There wasn't any tough love, because we |
| the time everybody has finished finger pointing, nothing | | | | didn't know what to do. |
| has been done to help. The American way seems to | | | | What can you do? If you are in the situation I was in, |
| be playing the role of the victim. Something isn't right, | | | | with a family member in trouble, get smart and get |
| so somebody else has to be wrong. Families have to | | | | help. Al-Anon is equipped to equip you. They have the |
| go through the tunnel just as the alcoholics do. Once | | | | knowledge and will help you make the right moves to |
| the blame game ends, the healing can begin by family | | | | be of help, rather than be an enabler. You can also find |
| members understanding the family systems | | | | a drug and alcohol treatment center in your area and |
| component to alcoholism. Instead of blame for others, | | | | call them. Think of it this way, the treatment center |
| why not ask simply, "What is my part in this?" | | | | helps the one you love, Al-Anon helps you. |
| Groups like Al-Anon are vitally important because they | | | | Don't argue. Don't point the finger at each other. It |
| work with the family dynamics of alcohol addiction. I | | | | doesn't help. |