| It really doesn't matter if we're the child, spouse or | | | | them up. Loving them means letting them hit the |
| parent of an alcoholic; the abuse, pain, self-doubt and | | | | ground until they learn to hate falling more than they |
| fear are severe and frequent. We spend a lot of | | | | love drinking. |
| compassionate effort trying to help alcoholics recover, | | | | The Only Love Of An Addict: When we give in to the |
| but very little on the loved ones, some of whom may | | | | manipulation and the alcoholic rewards us with words |
| be scarred for life. If you have a loved one who is an | | | | of admiration and love, it's just another lie. The words |
| alcoholic, this article is for you. If you're addicted to | | | | seem sincere because they are spoken to you, but |
| alcohol and have loved ones trying to help you, please | | | | the words of love about the bottle, and no one else. |
| consider this article a wake-up call. | | | | Alcoholics hate themselves and are incapable of loving |
| Secrets And Lies: Alcohol addicts need to be woken | | | | anyone...not their kids, their spouse, their parents...they |
| up because the biggest lie they tell is to themselves, "I | | | | are all pawns to be used to get that next drink. |
| don't have a problem." As much as you love the | | | | Drinking isn't an alcoholic's first love, it's the only love. |
| alcoholic in your family, that lie is what makes it easy to | | | | Until that bond is broken, no one else will be allowed in. |
| lie to you. My father would say he'll be at my game, | | | | Recovery Or Rejection: This article may seem as |
| my play, my graduation...usually lies. When he didn't | | | | though I think it impossible for an alcoholic to recover. It |
| arrive, it was always because he was tired. Funny | | | | may surprise you to know I'm a recovered alcoholic. I |
| how tired you can get after a few drinks...or before a | | | | didn't get to recovery because people excused me. It |
| few. He did the best he could, given his addictions, so, | | | | was only after I realized I had become my Dad, with |
| I'm not whining...Just letting you know I know what | | | | his drunkenness, violence and lies...only when I saw that |
| you're going through. Some alcoholics claim to not drink | | | | I would get this addiction under control or lose my wife, |
| and have hours of secret time away from home, all | | | | my career and everything. That was bottom for |
| with convenient lies to hide what's really happening. Of | | | | me...what brought me to find help and get this addiction |
| course, the truth can't help but be revealed when they | | | | behind me. I was lucky and I had help from God and |
| overindulge and stumble into the house, get in an | | | | others around me...not help to get drunk, but help to live |
| accident or get arrested. Sadly, most of the time, | | | | sober. |
| these incidents are only followed by more lies, this time | | | | Unfortunately, if nothing else works for your alcoholic, |
| about quitting or cutting back. Funny, how easy it is to | | | | sometimes they need to know there are only two |
| believe the lies just one more time. | | | | choices...begin recovery or be rejected. A drug addict I |
| Coping-Not Codependence: One of the sad things | | | | knew was squatting in an abandoned house with her 3 |
| about being codependent to an alcoholic is how easy it | | | | small children and her supplier boyfriend, with no |
| is to believe their lies. Our love for them overshadows | | | | furniture, piles of uncontained trash and food scraps |
| the obvious truth...and we begin to live in denial just like | | | | next to the uncovered mattresses and piles of |
| the one we love. We become addicted to the | | | | unwashed, filthy clothes. I can't begin to describe the |
| neediness of our alcoholic loved one. Instead, we need | | | | smell. She had to have her three children taken away |
| to learn to cope with them rather than enable them. | | | | from her before she would enter rehab and get clean. |
| No, we won't believe their words...only their actions. We | | | | The last time I saw her, she was healthy, well-dressed, |
| will protect the rest of the family from them but we | | | | employed and had her children back with her. The |
| won't enable them by excusing or supporting them in | | | | greatest act of love toward this woman came from a |
| any way as long as they continue in their addiction. | | | | government agency by taking her children. |
| Coping with an alcoholic means being tough and | | | | If your alcoholic won't quit, as hard as it is, the greatest |
| confronting them. It means setting clear boundaries and | | | | act of love you can offer is to withhold your support, |
| not changing them just because the addict makes a | | | | your help, yourself and your love from them. This is |
| fuss. It means letting them live in the consequences of | | | | their best chance for recovery. If the addict won't quit |
| their actions...even if they lose their job or freedom due | | | | even then, the choice was made by the addict...and by |
| to a jail sentence. Calling in to work, making excuses, | | | | you. This was your last and greatest act of love...to |
| bailing them out of jail actually helps them continue in | | | | give them up in hopes they would give up the bottle. |
| their addiction. You don't love an alcoholic by holding | | | | |