| Often people who live with an alcoholic spend much if, | | | | refuse first one invitation, then another. Soon there are |
| not all, of their time looking after the drinker. They | | | | no invitations to refuse any more. |
| worry about when he will arrive home, even if he will | | | | It is time to change that situation. It is time to, not only |
| arrive home. They worry about what condition he will | | | | accept invitations, but also to issue a few for yourself. |
| be in when he arrives home, whether he will be in a | | | | It is time to stop hiding away and to stop being |
| good mood or spoiling for a fight. It is a wonder that | | | | secretive about the problems that you are facing. It is |
| anyone living with an alcoholic has time to do anything | | | | time to stop living in the shadow of the alcoholic and |
| else, other than see to their drinker. | | | | start living for yourself. There may be something that |
| Organizations such as Al-anon rightly suggest that | | | | you have always wanted to do, for example you may |
| anyone who lives with an alcoholic needs to detach. | | | | have wanted to learn more about using computers, or |
| That is they need to stand back from the alcoholic and | | | | learn about photography or learn to paint. These are |
| let him lead his own life. That means worrying about | | | | things that you can do for you. |
| him less, stopping clearing up after him and no longer | | | | There are real benefits to having your own life. If you |
| making excuses for him and generally letting him | | | | focus on something other than your alcoholic means |
| experience the consequences of his drinking. Agreed | | | | then you will spend less time worrying about him and |
| this is not an easy thing to do, especially if you have | | | | his behavior. Research suggests that being left to fend |
| been caught up in his drinking for some years. | | | | for himself can bring the reality of his problem home to |
| One thing that may help is to ensure that you have a | | | | him. Your self esteem will improve and your |
| life of your own. As many people who live with | | | | depression and anxiety levels will decrease. Having |
| alcoholics do, you may have been covering for your | | | | interests outside the home and the alcoholic will make |
| alcoholic and ensuring that the world does not know of | | | | you more interesting and will reduce your levels of |
| your problems. This wall of secrecy is a double edged | | | | resentment. |
| sword. On the one hand it protects you from the | | | | It will help you to build a support network that could |
| shame and stigma of the problem drinking behavior. It | | | | sustain you when things are difficult. Lastly it will reduce |
| hides the worst of the anguish, arguments and anxiety | | | | the fear of being left on your own if the relationship |
| but it also cuts you off from the very people that can | | | | finally becomes unsustainable. So if you live with an |
| help, your friends. | | | | alcoholic make sure that you have a life for yourself |
| Most people who live with an alcoholic find themselves | | | | and that you have a network of friends and family |
| losing touch with their friends. It does not usually | | | | that can support you when you need it. |
| happen quickly, instead it happens over time as you | | | | |