| ext">If you live with an alcoholic you will almost | | | | everything will be good again. Till then you will just hide |
| certainly feel shame. Some people will experience it to | | | | the problem so you will both emerge from this period |
| a very high level others less so but almost everyone | | | | as if nothing had happened and the world will never |
| who lives with an alcoholic experiences it to some | | | | know a thing about it. |
| degree. You will probably feel anxious that people will | | | | But! This period was not supposed to last this long. It |
| discover your secret, that they will judge you and, | | | | was just a temporary thing till he got over his |
| inevitably, will find you unacceptable to be around | | | | disappointment, his depression, the stress at work, the |
| decent people. | | | | whatever. Now it seems to be the pattern of your life |
| Seeing it written down like that it probably seems | | | | and you have somehow been given the role of the |
| stupid. How could anyone feel that. However as I have | | | | person who keeps the secret. You are the one who |
| heard some of my clients say many, many times | | | | has to make the excuses to your friends who invite |
| Intellectually and logically I know that these thoughts | | | | you to parties, or meals at their house (No point going |
| are stupid, but
.. And it is a really big but! No | | | | you know he will just get drunk and start an argument |
| amount of reassurance takes away that shame. Sure | | | | - again). You are the one who has to phone his |
| it works at the time, maybe for a whole day then | | | | mother and lie about why he hasn’t visited. You |
| — but! | | | | are the one who has to keep people from visiting your |
| When you live with an alcoholic you take on this | | | | home unannounced in case he is drunk — again! |
| burden. He is the man you loved, maybe you even | | | | You are the one who has lost touch with your best |
| married him. He has admirable qualities — | | | | friends, given up the social times, become increasingly |
| normally. It is just at the moment things are a bit difficult. | | | | isolated. Why has this happened? It is because of the |
| He is not normally like this, so you will just hide his | | | | shame of living with an alcoholic. |
| secret for a while. No point in making him anxious, | | | | So is there anything that you can do about it? Yes |
| angry, depressed, (whatever his trigger is) it will just | | | | there are many things that you can do to reduce your |
| make him worse. You know deep down inside that | | | | feelings of shame and rid yourself of them completely. |
| some day soon things will change, he will change and | | | | |