| If you live with an alcoholic you will almost certainly feel | | | | never know a thing about it. Or at least that was the |
| shame. Some people will experience it to a very high | | | | plan |
| level, others will experience it much less so but almost | | | | |
| everyone who lives, or has lived, with an alcoholic | | | | But! This period was not supposed to last this long. |
| experiences it to some degree. You will probably feel | | | | It was just supposed to be a temporary thing till he got |
| anxious that people will discover your secret, that they | | | | over his disappointment, his depression, the stress at |
| will judge you and, inevitably, will find you unacceptable | | | | work, the whatever. Now it seems to have become |
| to be around decent people. | | | | the pattern of your life and you have somehow been |
| | | | | given the role of the person who keeps the secret. |
| Seeing it written down like that it probably seems | | | | You are the one who has to make the excuses to |
| stupid. How could anyone feel that. However as I | | | | your friends who invite you to parties, or meals at their |
| have heard some of my clients say many, many times | | | | house (No point going you know he will just get drunk |
| "Intellectually and logically I know that these thoughts | | | | and start an argument - again). You are the one who |
| are stupid, but….". And it is a really big but! No | | | | has to phone his mother and lie about why he hasn't |
| amount of reassurance takes away that shame. | | | | visited. You are the one who has to keep people |
| Sure it works at the time, maybe for a whole day then | | | | from visiting your home unannounced in case he is |
| – but! | | | | drunk – again! You are the one who has lost |
| | | | | touch with your best friends, given up the social times, |
| When you live with an alcoholic you take on this | | | | become increasingly isolated. Why has this |
| burden. He is the man you loved, maybe you even | | | | happened? It is because of the shame of living with |
| married him. He has admirable qualities – | | | | an alcoholic. |
| normally. It is just at the moment things are a bit | | | | |
| difficult. He is not normally like this, so you will just hide | | | | So is there anything that you can do about it? Is there |
| his secret for a while. No point in making him anxious, | | | | anything that you can do to reduce or eliminate the |
| angry, depressed, (whatever his trigger is) it will just | | | | shame entirely? Yes there are many things that |
| make him worse. You know deep down inside that | | | | you can do to reduce your feelings of shame and rid |
| some day soon things will change, he will change and | | | | yourself of them completely. We will look at some |
| everything will be good again. Till then you will just | | | | strategies that you can use in the second article on |
| hide the problem so you will both emerge from this | | | | this topic. |
| period as if nothing had happened and the world will | | | | |