Healthy Boundaries

One of the goals of a drug intervention or alcoholreally make life easy for the addict and just buy the
intervention is to create change on behalf of the addict.drugs and alcohol for him and deliver it to him
The most fundamental change occurs when thepersonally. After all, I explain, what do they think he is
addict makes the decision to accept drug treatmentusing the money for?
and begin the path to recovery. As important as it is toThe problem is that oftentimes families tend to love
create a change in the addict's behavior, equallythe addict to death. They feel some responsibility or
important are the changes that must occur in theobligation to do whatever they can to make things
lifestyle of the family and friends of the addict.easier for the addict in the hope that the addict will
One of the changes that must occur in the family ismiraculously change their addictive behavior. Typically,
the creation of healthy boundaries. The formulation ofthat does not occur and the addict sinks deeper and
a boundary occurs when the family and friends of thedeeper into the disease of addiction.
addict stop behavior which has facilitated, encouraged,It is up to the family to draw the line in the sand. Make
or in any way supported th addiction. It is necessarya pledge to do everything they can in their power to
for boundaries to develop so that if the addict chooseshelp the addict in his recovery, but do absolutely
to maintain his addiction, he, and he alone, suffers thenothing to support him in his addiction. Clearly, creating
consequences that inevitably result from the addiction.these types of boundaries has the potential of being
For instance, if an addict finds himself in a pattern ofdifficult and gut-wrenching in application. After all, the
missing work, school, or social obligations, the familyaddict has lived months or perhaps years with the
and friends have to stop making excuses, or flat outcomfort of the family either boldly supporting his
lying, to defend the addict's absences. In theseaddiction or hiding their collective heads in the sand and
situations where boundaries are not set up, the familypretending that it does not exist. Change at this point in
and friends are left to suffer the anguish andthe relationship seems extreme, but it has to occur.
consequences while the addict continues his behaviorThink of it this way; if the family does nothing and
without repercussion.continues their enabling relationship with the addict, the
Another example, albeit extreme, is the "trust fund"only change destined to occur is the condition of the
addict. In this case the addict has a built-in source ofaddict going from bad to worse.
income and is free to live a life of addiction without theWhen families and friends do decide to make healthy
typical worry of where money will come from toboundaries it is important that guidance is sought prior
support his habit. With room, board, and all otherto implementation. Families should consult with drug and
expenses paid for, including money for drugs, he hasalcohol treatment centers, therapists, physicians, and/or
no worries other than where and when he will get hisdrug counselors. Consultations will necessarily help with
next dose of drugs or alcohol. I've worked with manyissues relative to the family as they contemplate
families in this situation. One of the questions I've posedchange in their behavior, as well as concerns for the
to the parents or trustor of the addict (whereaddict including, but not limited to, self-harm and
boundaries are not set and a stream of money isviolence.
flowing in the direction of the addict) is why don't you