| Will You Use this Key Step to Change your Life? | | | | month, he said: |
| The New Year is when we most often reflect on | | | | "I have a drink...I don't stop...I pick up a bottle...I take it |
| changes we'd like to make in ourselves over the next | | | | home...I have one drink...I have two or three...I'm drinking...I |
| year. Perhaps you've even made New Years | | | | can't seem to change...It's always the same...It's just the |
| resolutions. This kind of commitment is good at any | | | | way I am." |
| time of year. | | | | The problem is that Fred's truth is about the past, that |
| Commitment is one key to losing weight, getting in | | | | is, how it has been up to the recent past. |
| shape, learning a new skill, finding your soul mate, | | | | By repeatedly stating his problems in the present |
| getting a better job, learning a new language, running a | | | | tense, he continues to anchor these 'truths' in his |
| marathon, going back to school, drinking less, spending | | | | identity. |
| time with your kids or communicating better with your | | | | The alcoholism has become part of his identity as a |
| partner. Commitment gets things going. | | | | human being. It is how he sees himself. It is the |
| You may be one of those people who can commit to | | | | message he sends to his subconscious mind and to |
| personal change and follow through just like the | | | | the universe every day. |
| women in the weight-loss adds on TV. If so, | | | | If this is his daily message to the universe, how could a |
| congratulations! But, for the rest of us, it's not always | | | | mere New Year's resolution possibly change anything? |
| that easy. | | | | The answer is, "It can't!" |
| Enter Self Sabotage | | | | Fortunately for the human race there is a way around |
| If you are like most of us and run into problems | | | | the problem that allows the desired changes to come |
| following through, however, perhaps you are | | | | about. |
| sabotaging your intentions without even realizing it. | | | | The Key: Let the Past Stay in the Past |
| Does the following example apply to you in any way? | | | | When you want personal change, talking about the |
| Fred (fictitious name) is an admitted functioning | | | | past as if it is the present is a huge form of self |
| alcoholic. He holds a good job, but although he won't | | | | sabotage. |
| admit it to anyone, he knows alcohol is taking a toll on | | | | Let's reword what Fred said, putting the past in the |
| his productivity and his health. He spends evenings with | | | | past: |
| his wife and kids, but he attends more to his glass than | | | | "When I had a drink, I just didn't stop. It started with a |
| he does to them. | | | | drink with my friends after work. Then I would pick up |
| Fred has repeatedly tried to cut back on his drinking | | | | a bottle and take it home so I could have one drink. |
| and occasionally, like for the past month, he has even | | | | Then I would have two or three. Within a week I was |
| managed to stop drinking altogether for a time. But | | | | drinking just as much as I ever did-or more. I couldn't |
| every attempt has eventually failed. Repeated failure, | | | | seem to change. It was always the same. It's just the |
| of course, does nothing for his self confidence and | | | | way I was." |
| mental heath. In Fred's own words: | | | | Can you see and feel the difference? Read the two |
| "I have a drink and then I just don't stop. It starts with a | | | | versions out loud if you need to. |
| drink with my friends after work. Then I pick up a | | | | Think about this: If you want to clear the way for the |
| bottle and take it home so I can have one drink. Then I | | | | new to emerge, never use the present tense to |
| have two or three. Within a week I'm drinking just as | | | | describe what was true of your life in the past. |
| much as I ever did-or more. I can't seem to change. It's | | | | Try it Right Now with Your Own Wants |
| always the same. It's just the way I am." | | | | Think of three things you want to change, and write |
| Before you read on, can you spot how Fred is | | | | them down in the past tense. Now for each one use |
| sabotaging his attempts to change? Read what he | | | | the present tense to write down what you want the |
| said again if you need to. | | | | change to look like and read these out loud a few |
| Be Clear about the Remedy | | | | times. |
| Now, notice how Fred described his alcoholism in the | | | | Change is an exercise in allowing things to happen, but |
| present tense. He quite obviously has been talking | | | | you have to make sure you step out of your own |
| about it that way for some time. And he is telling the | | | | way. But that's another essential ingredient to life |
| truth as he sees it. Although Fred had no alcohol for a | | | | change. |