| p>As a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, I have | | | | her boyfriend comes in smashed at 3AM, he promises |
| heard a lot of complaints over the years from different | | | | to quit drinking alcohol, but continues to drink. |
| clients about their experiences dating an alcoholic | | | | Typical alcoholic behavior impacts the victim (you) in |
| boyfriend. The stories are like a country western song | | | | negative ways. Alcoholic behavior includes lying, hiding |
| where the chorus is always the same. The recurring | | | | drinking, not being responsible about keeping in touch, |
| theme is a pattern of alcoholic behavior which includes | | | | getting defensive about an alcohol relapse when |
| being irresponsible and lying. Here is a recent case | | | | confronted, and being in denial that alcohol is the |
| from my practice that illustrates the difficulties of | | | | dominant force in his life (interfering with his personal |
| having a boyfriend with an alcohol problem. | | | | life and his work). |
| T.R. is 24 years old and has been dating a recovering | | | | Anyone with an active alcohol problem is focused on |
| alcoholic for six months. They get along well and she | | | | drinking alcohol and is not focused on a relationship. His |
| has been very pleased that he treats her 4 year-old | | | | main relationship is with a bottle of alcohol. A person |
| son in a loving and kind way. Her son has become | | | | who is actively drinking alcohol or using drugs is unable |
| very fond of him. Several weeks ago, T.R. was at a | | | | to meet the needs of his partner in a consistent way. |
| family dinner with her alcoholic boyfriend, her parents, | | | | He believes he needs alcohol (his brain is alcohol |
| and some close friends. Her boyfriend excused himself | | | | dependent) and you think you need him. |
| from the table. He never returned! She called him | | | | The more alcoholic behavior you are willing to put up |
| multiple times on his cell phone, but he did not respond. | | | | with, the more you are demonstrating that you are |
| She did not know what to think. She felt a range of | | | | addicted to him, in your own way.If you want a stable, |
| emotions including anger, resentment, worry, | | | | healthy, and happy relationship, find someone else. If he |
| embarrassment (how do you explain this to your | | | | decides to go into alcoholic recovery, it usually takes a |
| family) and panic. She did not hear from him for 2 | | | | year of sobriety to be able to handle a romantic |
| days! When he finally contacted her, he told her some | | | | relationship. |
| crazy excuse why he had left the dinner without telling | | | | Marriages to an alcoholic husband tend to be very |
| anyone. She knew he was lying. She confronted him | | | | stormy and difficult. If you go on to marry your |
| about having an alcohol relapse. He denied it and | | | | alcoholic boyfriend, you most likely have issues with |
| became very defensive. | | | | your own self-esteem that should be addressed. Try |
| This case is a variation of the following themes I hear: | | | | attending Al-Anon meetings to get some perspective |
| he disappeared, he lost his cell phone, his car broke | | | | about your unhealthy relationship and learn how to set |
| down etc. The other common scenarios are the | | | | appropriate boundaries. Therapy may be helpful as |
| girlfriend finds empty alcohol bottles hidden in drawers, | | | | well. Learn to take care of you. |