| Children growing up in a family where alcoholism is | | | | expressed as rescuing people or trying to fix others |
| present learn survival skills. Unfortunately these | | | | problems, rather than being a partner. A survival skill |
| solutions don't work well as adults. Alcohol use within | | | | growing up may have been the need to hide feelings |
| the family affects all members, not just the alcoholic. | | | | and not express them for fear of consequences. |
| Children growing up in this environment have a | | | | 3. Perfectionism, heightened sense of responsibility. |
| particularly difficult time. | | | | Children in alcoholic families learned that if they were |
| Modeling is the most powerful form of education and | | | | "perfect" they might get positive attention. In many |
| children grow up seeing, and being taught, dysfunctional | | | | cases whatever they did was not enough. |
| behavior. They see and learn methods of coping and | | | | Self-esteem comes from how they are viewed by |
| forming relationships that may work for a child, but are | | | | others. They can be extremely self-critical, never |
| then carried forward into adulthood where they are | | | | attaining the ideal of how good they "should" be. |
| dysfunctional. | | | | 4. A tendency toward compulsive behaviors. |
| Here are 5 common characteristics of adult children of | | | | Being a child of an alcoholic increases the likelihood the |
| alcoholics: | | | | child will become addicted to alcohol. It is also noted |
| 1. They feel they must be in control of behavior and | | | | however, a tendency toward other compulsive |
| feelings at all times. | | | | behaviors such as gambling, disordered eating or |
| This desire to control may be an overreaction to | | | | addictive relationships. |
| growing up in chaos where active alcoholism is | | | | 5. Abandonment fears. |
| present. This tendency to want to be in control at all | | | | I believe this stems from the learned uncertainty in |
| times is grounded in fear. If all aspects of their life | | | | childhood of not knowing what was coming next, a |
| cannot be controlled, it will automatically get worse. | | | | hug or a slap. Adult children often believe that any |
| 2. ACOA's struggle with intimate relationships. | | | | relationship, no matter how bad or abusive, is better |
| Being intimate requires releasing some control and | | | | than none at all. Often they will do anything to hang on. |
| being vulnerable. This is difficult. Love is often | | | | |