| Most spouses and loved ones of addicts, that have | | | | Alcoholic |
| not helped themselves, do feel resentment and anger. | | | | Loved ones and spouses think they can somehow |
| They feel resentful for taking care of the alcoholic. | | | | control the amount of alcohol the alcoholic drinks, or |
| They feel resentful for taking the brunt of the abusive | | | | they think they can somehow get them to stop |
| behaviors that come with addiction. They feel resentful | | | | drinking altogether. This is nonsensical. You are |
| because they are spending their days worrying about | | | | completely powerless to control the alcoholic or the |
| the alcoholic. Understand that you are not alone. When | | | | addiction. But you can control how you react to the |
| you learn to detach with love it will release a huge | | | | alcoholic's behaviors. Be good to yourself and don't let |
| burden from you spiritually and emotionally. | | | | the abuse destroy your emotional and spiritual well |
| 1. Realize that Alcoholism is Not Your Problem or | | | | being. |
| Responsibility | | | | You can't fix the alcoholic-they can only fix |
| When you stop reacting to the alcoholic's behaviors | | | | themselves. The more you enable and rescue the |
| you at once stop allowing the addiction to control you. | | | | alcoholics problems, that they have created while |
| The truth is most loved ones of addicts are | | | | drinking, the more they will be consumed within the |
| preoccupied with the addicts behaviors. In other words, | | | | addiction-in essence, you the enabler, are helping them |
| they allow the behaviors of the addict to consume | | | | drink! The best way to help the alcoholic or addict is to |
| their thoughts day in and day out and it makes them | | | | do nothing. Don't react to the abuse and don't enable |
| sick with the addict. No wonder you feel resentful-you | | | | and rescue. |
| don't have a life when you consume yourself with the | | | | 4. Don't Give up and Don't Get Discouraged |
| addict's behaviors! | | | | We have control over what we do, what we say, and |
| The only time we would want to interfere with the | | | | how we react to the addiction. We can control our |
| alcoholic is if they are hurting themselves or someone | | | | own thoughts, actions and behaviors towards the |
| else. Know the difference. We have to interfere if they | | | | alcoholic and towards ourselves. We can choose to |
| are going to get into a car and drive drunk. We will | | | | continue doing those things that make us happy while |
| have to interfere if they are emotionally abusing any | | | | praying for the recovery of our loved one. We must |
| children in the home. These things are a must, but we | | | | learn to let "it" go and give it to God. God gives us the |
| don't have to enable the addiction or rescue them | | | | peace we need to live with and love the alcoholic. |
| from the problems they create while drinking and being | | | | 5. Get Educated About Alcoholism |
| drunk. | | | | The more we understand about alcoholism the easier |
| 2. Don't Blame Yourself | | | | it is for us to handle each and every situation that |
| Loved ones sometimes indirectly blame themselves | | | | comes up with the alcoholic. I cannot say how |
| for the addiction. This happens because the alcoholic | | | | important it is to get yourself educated about all the |
| has abusive tirades where they continually blame their | | | | aspects of alcoholism because it will make or break |
| spouse or other close loved ones for their | | | | your sanity in the long run. ALANON, a group that helps |
| unhappiness. But it's not true! Alcoholics are alcoholics | | | | spouses learn to detach, is an excellent way to begin |
| because they chose to take that first drink and they | | | | your education because you will realize you are not |
| are responsible for what they do while intoxicated. | | | | alone in how you feel and there are others who are |
| Once you give them back the addiction they are more | | | | going through exactly what you are. You don't have to |
| apt to come out from denial and seek help. Alcoholics | | | | feel resentful or bitter about the addiction or alcoholic |
| can get sober but THEY have to be willing. | | | | any longer. |
| 3. Stop Trying to Control the Addiction or Fix the | | | | |